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Candy Bar Pie

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Sorry – I fell asleep at close to 1am trying to post this. When you read what I had for dinner you’ll understand why.

We’re in a dinner club. How cool is that? The last dinner, which we missed, was 80s themed, complete with dress code, old photos and mix tapes. Tonight the theme was cheesy (as in corny, not Whiz-based) Kraft recipes, preferably vintage, and none of us had trouble coming up with disgusting courses of processed food-like product (the meal would have come straight from Michael Pollan’s worst nightmares), all of which was served on a long cheese-slice-covered table.

We started with Harvey Wallbangers topped with a blop of marshmallow Fluff:

Then – Shake n’ Bake chicken strips with Velveeta fondue, spiked with blue cheese dressing and Bac-Os. (SALT!Y!)

And then Kraft dinner surprise (the surprise being bits of broccoli D’s mom used to sneak in between layers of “cheese” and shells):

And a salad – a 7-Up salad, to be precise (Jell-O, 7-Up, marshmallows, Miracle Whip, Cool Whip, pineapple chunks):

Jaws was projected onto the ceiling above the table (some hadn’t even seen it):

And later, Fantasy Island.

A and I were on dessert duty. She made a layered frozen orange sherbet thing from the cover of the Kraft cooking magazine:

And I made Candy Bar Pie and a Chips Ahoy! Tiramisu (of sorts) in which you fold together instant chocolate pudding and Cool Whip (we bought the generic kind, because who cares? On the ingredient list: beta carotene, for colour. Colour? Have you seen anything whiter than frozen whipped topping?) and then layer it in a pan with rows of chocolate chip cookies. When you refrigerate it overnight the cookies soften and you can cut it into soft squares. Disgusting, but I liked the concept, and might try a shortbread – fruit fool (saucy fruit and cream) combo.

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Candy Bar Pie
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23 comments on “Candy Bar Pie

  1. katekirk
    February 21, 2010 at 10:21 am

    what a hoot…but I’d feel lousy after just one of those treats. Fun party idea and I’m inspired to start my own supper club.

  2. Jennifer Jo
    February 21, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    Ugh. I feel ill.

    But I must admit, the cheese “table cloth” is genius.

  3. Nancy
    February 21, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    Mmmm looks like my childhood!! Not sure whether I’m a good or a bad mother, when dd, age 6, whispered to me “Mommy – Aunt C. has cheese IN PLASTIC and cookie dough IN A TUBE”, never having seen such a sight. I recently bought them Dora in a can aka alphagetti kind of thing, and they thought it was gross! Darn kids with their whole wheat bread and hummus… Love the party theme!

  4. Laurie in Burnaby BC
    February 21, 2010 at 12:47 pm

    Oh, Lord! I feel queasy just looking at it. I don’t know if I would have had the fortitude to try anything there, but it would have been a lot of laughs.

    None of those things prompt childhood memories for me – I learned to cook out of self-defense. My mother’s ‘cooking’ was abysmal, but even she didn’t inflict things like that on us.

  5. Stacey Snacks
    February 21, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Julie,
    Very interesting table setting, I had to do a double take!

  6. Elizabeth
    February 21, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    What, the 7-Up salad WASN’T dessert?

    We had a similar dinner party a few weeks ago. I find few things to be more revolting than the combo of jello and mayo/Miracle Whip.

  7. Jan (family bites)
    February 21, 2010 at 2:34 pm

    I love the cheese table! Believe it or not, I work in catering and have a client who is in her nineties and she orders the 7-UP/jello salad once a year. It just kills us to make it but she really is quite fond of the taste.

  8. lauren
    February 21, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    omg, that is so hilarious. And disgusting. i want to puke just looking it some of that!

  9. margo
    February 21, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Very, very funny!! I would want to eat a significant amount of real food beforehand!!

  10. Robyn
    February 21, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    This is the perfect “diet” event for me. As in, I would leave having eaten nothing!

  11. Stephen Roden
    February 21, 2010 at 7:09 pm

    Oh God, that looks hideous.

  12. Erica B.
    February 21, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Oh My Word. LOL!! The cheese-slice table cover is brilliant!

    There were many a family dinner that involved jello salads… I have vivid memories of green jello, celery and cottage cheese.

    It’ll be our turn to host our dinner club here soon enough – so far themes have included food representing your heritage, chocolate, and a murder mystery. I totally need to do something like this – although I may have to add pepto shooters to the menu.

  13. Pat
    February 22, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    I’m so glad that food has come such a long way since the 80’s! This meals sounds like what I think they might serve in “foodie” HELL. Over and over again…

  14. Laurie in Burnaby BC
    February 22, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Not all of us ate like that in the 80s, Pat. The usual meals I made for my kids then were good breakfasts (no sugary cereals) lunch of soup and a sandwich in cold weather (they came home for lunch) and salad and a sandwhich in hot weather, dinner of burgers or roast or leftovers from roast or casserole. I managed a pizza parlour, so if I was working day shift they came to the restaurant for lunch, and if I worked evening shift they came to the restaurant for dinner and to do their homework. No such thing as miracle whip or imitation cheese like yellowy stuff in my house. Certainly no green blobs, except for kids to throw at each other in the yard for birthday party entertainment.

  15. Barb
    February 22, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Not sure if I should laugh or die. I think if I was in a dinner club with you Julie I would feel a little let down to have a meal like this instead of one like I know you can do!

  16. miss v
    February 22, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    Wow… what’s the ‘let down’? In the end it was a night overflowing with humour and friends having a laugh. Glad to be a part of it and looking forward to the next!

  17. JulieVR
    February 22, 2010 at 4:35 pm

    So much fun! I’m looking forward to the next – with a Deliverance theme?

  18. Jill
    February 22, 2010 at 7:24 pm

    That sounds like the best dinner party ever. I would have worn my elastic waist pants. Yes, I own elastic waist pants, just for nights like that.

    🙂

  19. the other Al
    February 22, 2010 at 8:24 pm

    As the host of this event I must correct the time line. Our KRAFT dinner was to be made up of food recipes seen on commercial breaks while watching Carol Burnet, The Cher show, Tony Orlando and Dawn show or Donny and Marie etc. Somewhere between the years of 68 to 74. Along with Wallbangers, beer was served in stubbies and all music was from K-tel and played on a turntable. Strange as it seems I felt great the next day-just had to spend an hour scraping melted cheese from the tablecloth. Somebody’s(J) hot little elbows melted right through the plastic wrappers!

  20. JulieVR
    February 22, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    OK, I did not get that specific memo! Besides, I wasn’t capable of absorbing television commercials whilst in utero and under the age of 4.

  21. Laurie in Burnaby BC
    February 22, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    Awww, heck, I’m so disillusioned! And here I thought you could do everything!! 😉

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