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dinnerwithjulie

Cook, author, writer, eater, freelance journalist on CBC radio + the Globe + Mail, cookbook author (x 13!), food access advocate, ❤️ feeding people 🌈

Julie Van Rosendaal
Someone cut down the Christmas weed and tossed it Someone cut down the Christmas weed and tossed it in the gutter. On the day marking a month of some of the hardest, saddest days and nights of my life, having spent since the early morning hours trying in vain to wrestle with this elephant that’s still sitting on my chest, when the tiny light at the end of my tunnel was going to visit a filthy glittering weed shedding beams of love and hope under an underpass, someone fucking cut it down and tossed it in the gutter. I picked up the pieces and brought them home, and crawled back under the covers on this beautiful sunny Sunday, an afternoon I imagine people are out enjoying the outdoors and each other. I read this morning (via Heidi Robbins) that when distressed, there are those who lean toward anger and expression and those who lean toward sadness and collapse. I lean toward sadness and expression, I think, with a tendency to collapse. Texting a friend this morning from the dog park, trying to get some sun, I noted this grief hasn’t ever turned to anger, and part of me wishes it would… anger is easier, I think, with a similar emotional intensity that moves in a different direction from heartbreak and despair. And I want to rage against this killer of joy... against all who make efforts to impose on other peoples’ happiness, to snuff out their light. Against the fucking traumas and deep fears and insecurities and addictions that rob people of safe love and peace and joy. Of the lives they desperately want during their brief time on earth. But I can’t seem to summon anger. Just sadness and collapse.
I love how many people love (and have added decora I love how many people love (and have added decorations to) this little weed growing under the underpass. I’ve looked at it driving by through summer and fall.. little did I know it would become a lifeline for me in December.
I know the warm weather has made life and work eas I know the warm weather has made life and work easier for a lot of people, especially after last year's deep freeze, but it's been unsettling... it felt wrong at a time so much in the world feels wrong. I'm glad to finally feel the muffled calm of a thick blanket of snow.
Omg someone added lights!! Omg someone added lights!!
I’ve only ever found two hag stones - stones tha I’ve only ever found two hag stones - stones that have had holes naturally formed in them by moving water - in my life. (My mom found the one with three holes in it years ago, and gave it to me.) Hag stones are considered magical — believed to have strong protective and healing qualities, support emotional awareness and clarity, and help create and navigate the path you want in life, no matter the obstacles. I love that even tiny drops of water moving with constancy, or in a small, gentle flow in one direction, has the power over time to move through stone.
There’s a giant weed under the underpass by my h There’s a giant weed under the underpass by my house that I’ve wanted to pull every time I drove past... and then I wanted to decorate it. I put a few things on this morning.. and at some point someone added a star! It occurred to me that rush hour might be the safest time to add more, when traffic was backed up and slow or stopped. After a down day, it was the best thing ever to be decorating a weed under an underpass while people rolled by in their cars with big smiles, giving me a thumbs up. (And yes, some looking confused or annoyed… who cares. Nothing fun would ever happen if no one ever did anything for fear of looking foolish.) Let’s all spread bits of joy where we can. ❤️
Broke in my boots today. (Vegan Docs from Bath!) I Broke in my boots today. (Vegan Docs from Bath!) I’m glad I ran through rainy cobbled streets to get them. Visa bill be damned. Plus they match my new tattoo :)
And let your boundaries be the beautiful sage moss And let your boundaries be the beautiful sage moss-covered stone walls and garden gates supporting curls of vines... and dense green hedges that grow slowly and can be trimmed back, and provide safe places for the bugs and birds. Love and a peaceful life doesn’t require an absence or abandoning of boundaries, but rather respecting and tending to them (by you and others who have access to your garden) as the foundational parts that keep it safe, and allow it to flourish.
What a trip life is. Sometimes you choose your own What a trip life is. Sometimes you choose your own adventure—sometimes life chooses for you.. or at least redirects you. W and I had a great three days in London, but those last surprise 23 hours in Bath were pure magic. It’s astounding how life can throw you off course in difficult, unwanted ways, with mistakes and errors and news that feels bad, but then it diverts you toward experiences you would’ve otherwise missed. London was fun and tiring.. a bit touristy, and disappointing that the afternoon of our second day was disrupted by a strange dude in our flat, and the third afternoon my online check-in had a random error and then the flight was unexpectedly filled up, meaning we’d likely be bumped, and our Airbnb wasn’t available for an extra night. As I scrambled to figure out what to do, searching for hotels as backup, we discovered the error meant we weren’t checked in after all and could list (we went on buddy passes) on Sunday and I booked a night in Bath. It turned out to be the best part of our trip, satisfying that craving for the UK that the busy, touristy parts of London didn’t quite. Bath’s city centre is small enough to explore on foot, and though it was ridiculously busy due to the Christmas market and a rugby match (queues were crazy, and streets and shops were tough to walk through) the energy was so merry and convivial, the whole city centre feeling like an overflowing pub. We spent over an hour in an amazing bookstore, walked the cobblestone streets, poking into shops and past Christmas tree displays and the like, and later on I lucked out and got a seat in a cozy gin bar I kept walking past, and had a warm gin punch, enveloped by the hum of happy people, beside the neon words ALL WE HAVE IS NOW, before walking back to our hotel in the rain and crawling under the covers.

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