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Corn DogsBy Julie
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Honey Chocolate Cupcakes with Honey GanacheBy Julie
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dinnerwithjulie

Cook, author, writer, eater, freelance journalist on CBC radio + the Globe + Mail, cookbook author (x 13!), food access advocate, ❤️ feeding people 🌈

Julie Van Rosendaal
Broke in my boots today. (Vegan Docs from Bath!) I Broke in my boots today. (Vegan Docs from Bath!) I’m glad I ran through rainy cobbled streets to get them. Visa bill be damned. Plus they match my new tattoo :)
And let your boundaries be the beautiful sage moss And let your boundaries be the beautiful sage moss-covered stone walls and garden gates supporting curls of vines... and dense green hedges that grow slowly and can be trimmed back, and provide safe places for the bugs and birds. Love and a peaceful life doesn’t require an absence or abandoning of boundaries, but rather respecting and tending to them (by you and others who have access to your garden) as the foundational parts that keep it safe, and allow it to flourish.
What a trip life is. Sometimes you choose your own What a trip life is. Sometimes you choose your own adventure—sometimes life chooses for you.. or at least redirects you.

W and I had a great three days in London, but those last surprise 23 hours in Bath were pure magic. It’s astounding how life can throw you off course in difficult, unwanted ways, with mistakes and errors and news that feels bad, but then it diverts you toward experiences you would’ve otherwise missed. London was fun and tiring.. a bit touristy, and disappointing that the afternoon of our second day was disrupted by a strange dude in our flat, and the third afternoon my online check-in had a random error and then the flight was unexpectedly filled up, meaning we’d likely be bumped, and our Airbnb wasn’t available for an extra night. As I scrambled to figure out what to do, searching for hotels as backup, we discovered the error meant we weren’t checked in after all and could list (we went on buddy passes) on Sunday and I booked a night in Bath. It turned out to be the best part of our trip, satisfying that craving for the UK that the busy, touristy parts of London didn’t quite. Bath’s city centre is small enough to explore on foot, and though it was ridiculously busy due to the Christmas market and a rugby match (queues were crazy, and streets and shops were tough to walk through) the energy was so merry and convivial, the whole city centre feeling like an overflowing pub. We spent over an hour in an amazing bookstore, walked the cobblestone streets, poking into shops and past Christmas tree displays and the like, and later on I lucked out and got a seat in a cozy gin bar I kept walking past, and had a warm gin punch, enveloped by the hum of happy people, beside the neon words ALL WE HAVE IS NOW, before walking back to our hotel in the rain and crawling under the covers.
I’ve had many thoughts about what my first tatto I’ve had many thoughts about what my first tattoo would be… and then on this trip it suddenly occurred to me it should be a W. And I briefly wondered if we might pass a walk-in tattoo shop around London. But we didn’t.. and I wouldn’t have wanted to interrupt our doing things, or make W wait around. And then today, when we should have been flying home but an unexpectedly full flight and then a check-in error redirected me to book a night in Bath, our train arrived before noon and walked to our hotel, and there was a walk-in tattoo shop right across the street, in the greatest old stone building. Our room was ready early and W wanted to stay in for a bit, so I popped across the street and did it. For W, for me, and as a reminder that life can force you off course, and even when it’s jarring and stressful and unexpected, you never know what’s waiting in your new direction.
I keep telling W he has his whole life ahead of hi I keep telling W he has his whole life ahead of him... then I realized I do too.
When I was out alone yesterday, as I came out of t When I was out alone yesterday, as I came out of the Tate and cut through a grassy area, a single, enormous bubble came out of nowhere and floated directly up to me, and then gently popped at my feet. There were no others, and I was the only one in the park- and I couldn’t see anywhere it could have come from. 

A close friend has been suggesting I imagine the things weighing heavily on me as a bubble, and then pop it… and I’ve been trying to do just that. 🩷
I’ve always wanted to go to London at Christmas. I’ve always wanted to go to London at Christmas. Though the weather doesn’t feel very Christmassy, it has made it easier for us to cover a ton of ground by foot and tube- the British library, the British Museum, Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square, Green Park, Harrods, Camden Town, Oxford Circus, Regent St, Hamley’s toy store, the Cartoon Museum, Borough market, Tate Modern, trips to comic and manga stores (W’s thing) and Sainsbury’s and Marks & Spencer for snacks. It hasn’t been glitch-free (travel rarely is… sometimes it makes for good stories?) and today W went off on his own for awhile and came back to a dude just hanging out in our AirBnB flat (in my room among my things) apparently waiting for a contractor to upgrade the door.. something the owner was unaware of, so I booked it back from the Tate (which took nearly 2 hours due to underground mishaps)... but it has also been peppered with magical, serendipitous moments -all part of the adventure, and I’m grateful for all of it. (W is not as adventurous as me, and I’m trying not to scare him off of ever leaving western Canada again... not sure I’m succeeding, but we’re having fun and spending time together, and that’s all that matters.)
So I spontaneously decided to take W on an adventu So I spontaneously decided to take W on an adventure. 

It’s been an exceptionally awful month or two.. and a hard year or two (a time that has also brought immense happiness, joy, love and deeply meaningful experiences I’ve yearned for my whole life-they can coexist) for far greater reasons than hit and runs and expensive repairs and getting Norwalk virus when I only had a frozen porta potty on my front lawn in the snow. But these past two weeks have taken me down in a way I’ve never felt.

I am all for hard things-some of the best, most meaningful parts of (and people in) my life have been hard and risky and so worth any time and effort. But then there’s the kind of hard you don’t choose, with nothing on the other side except the sad accomplishment of having made it through, hopefully with a few nuggets of insight into your own values and inner workings you managed to pick up along the way. 

I’ve been feeling sheepish about being honest about this version of myself here… in the thick of it, it felt disingenuous to gloss over and pretend I was ok. Everyone goes through times and seasons of deep vulnerability, sadness, hurt, regret, heartbreak, loss and despair in their lives for more reasons than any of us will ever comprehend.. it feels less lonely, I think, to know other people are navigating something similar. I try to be myself, and this is a version of me, though one I haven’t met before. 

W and I both needed to get out of the house, and I needed to get out of my head... even the daily rituals I find so much comfort in -my bed, my chair, walks, music- had become comfortable homes for the painful and despondent thought patterns my brain has settled into these past weeks. I tend to perseverate on things, turning them over in my head to better understand and reconcile them. Sometimes they can’t be. 

W is in between things, and I needed some time with him before he’s off into his own life. I’ve had to spend so much money this year on unexpected fixes, why not use some on something better than dentists, body shops and plumbers (as awesome as they might be) while I have the opportunity?
These winter prairie sunrises and sunsets keep tak These winter prairie sunrises and sunsets keep taking my breath away… even from my bedroom office window.

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